Well, I’m an ass…

Yeah, I know, I know. It’s been over a month. Let’s just get that out of the way now. I’m a jackass and a tool and I haven’t written in my blog in over a month. I mean, there were so many exciting things I left on the line! What happened with my sketch show? What happened with the improv tournament? What happened with…I think that’s all I left on the line…Damn…Thing sound better in threes. I really wish I had a third thing.

Anyway, to be perfectly honest I’m not quite so worried about all this as I might be putting on. After all, I have a confirmed readership of one person. That’s right, only one person has confirmed to me that they read every blog post I make. Wooh! Go Ely! Next stop book deal!

Moving on. My sketch show went very well, we had a great crowd and the sketches went over well. I was very sick that day and had to somehow pull off “not sick”, which I managed to do my pumping myself full of drugs.

At the show’s intermission I was greeted by a rather pleasant surprise. A couple of my friends were coming in from New York and Montreal for the show and when I went out to see them before the show started the jutted out of their seats as if to hide something that was behind them from me. In any other situation I would have probably checked behind them, but because of how drugged up I was I just had a normal conversation completely ignoring it.

However, at intermission, I noticed sitting beside them was a big bearded man. To be precise a big bearded man named Matt Gerendasy, my friend who lives near Detroit. He took a bus up that day and was taking a bus back the next day just to see my show.

Isn’t that amazing? I’m truly lucky to have friends as dedicated as him. 

I got him sick. Oh, and the girl who came in from Montreal.

To be fair, it wasn’t my fault. I was drinking a Sprite at the after party and left it on a table and she saw fit to drink all of it. And Matt, well, Matt had a sip.

Regardless, IMPROV tournament! We came in 15th out of 20 I think. Not a great standing but, we had a terrible night…So I saw it coming. Not our worst performance, but most definitely not our best. We got very excited and somehow it just turned into a clusterfuck of yelling and ridiculous unnecessary energy. Everything we should have done went out the window.

Whatever, we still got to go to Ottawa for a few days and hang around.

Otherwise, I’m figuring out my plans for the summer. It’s shaping up to be two months living and working in New York while I try to find my place in the improv comedy scene there.

It’s gonna be a busy summer.

More on that to come.

See you in a month!

(Kidding…probably not…)

If You Will it Dude, it is No Dream…

Well, I’ll admit that I’ve been gone for almost a month. In fact, it would be silly of me to try and say otherwise…Because it’s fact…

Anyway, the reason I haven’t been posting in the last little while is because nothing all that exciting has been happening in the last little while.

My sketch troupe is still working away at our sketch show (Second City Toronto Mainstage Saturday April 25th 2:30 pm) and it’s looking pretty good. 

I spent the past few days feverishly editing away at a video of the retreat the drama program at my school took back in October. It’s finally done and I’m very happy because it was freakin’ killing me. Let’s just say that when you give the cameras to a group of grade nine boys (and one grade 12 guy) they zoom in on asses. A lot. I mean, for a while I just considered not cutting the ass shots and leaving them in and selling the thing on the internet…But then I realized that would probably be illegal.

Oh and I also had moral issues with it…But it was mostly the legal issues.

…

Those dots represent me hoping that sarcasm comes through over the interwebs.

…

These dots represent the confirmation.

 

Anywho, I’m trying to work on more ways to whore myself out on the internet. Not in a sexual way of course, but in the way that so many people are doing nowadays. You see, I have over a hundred subscribers on YouTube, and although most of them probably never watch my movies anyway, it makes me feel like I have a fan base. In fact, I would go so far as to say I’m an extremely minor YouTube celebrity.

So, I’m trying to keep my fanbase happy (Yes, I realize the irony in this statement considering that nobody reads this blog…). And that is why I’ve now signed myself up for two more pointless but awesome websites!

Daily Booth is actually one of the most creative things I’ve ever seen and I love it a lot! Here’s my page http://www.dailybooth.com/elyhenry

And the next thing is something I’m still working on figuring out, but when I get it up and running I’ll use it often, I promise. http://www.blogtv.com/elyhenry

Woo! Perfect. I’m all whored out, so I’m gonna go.

Later friends.

Ottawhat?

Remember that improv competition I talked about in my last post?

Well, funny story about that. You see, the night I was sick we came in first place which sent us to the finals last night where we placed third.

The top three from Toronto go on to Ottawa for the national tournament. So…There you have it. Somehow, my team has made it on. It’s gonna be fun! A week in glamourous Ottawa!

Anyway, it seems that through some weird stroke of luck my acting career is back on the up and up. I got a part in a TV show based purely on a pilot I was in. It’s only for this one episode and the script is really good. It’s gonna be fun. I play a school’s election coordinator and I have to testify in the school courtroom about vote tampering…I didn’t do it, but I have a feeling whoever did do it would’ve gotten away with it too if it weren’t for those meddling kids. *cough*

Shut up, I just competed in an improv tournament twice in a week…You can’t expect me to have any laughs left!

Anyway, I’ve also scheduled myself a date with my photographer to get some new headshots done so I can look purty. Well, honestly, I just need new photographs because my current ones make me look much younger than I am…And don’t get me started on the IMDb photo of me…

 

Speaks for itself...

 

Oy.

Anyway. I’ll post the new pics once I get them.

Sickness and Bizarre Glasses fetishes?

I am sick. And no, not in the cool hip youngster way. I’m ill.

I’m lost in a sea of mucus and cold medicine. Right now I’m relatively alright. I’m pumped full of drugs and I can stand up…But I know it can only last so long.

You see, I would be quite content to sleep all day and do nothing, but as luck would have it, tonight I have an improv competition with my school’s team. I can’t not be there because I’m one of the main people on the team and they’ve all told me they need my support.

So, as a result, I’ve decided to live like a real life star and get very drugged up and hope for the best. One member of my team told me I’d probably be funnier. I’m thinking I might try and slip some cough syrup into whatever the audience is drinking…get them to at least think we’re funnier…Or floating elephants…

Otherwise, I’ve been dealing with a bizarre thing happening on one of my YouTube videos. I posted a video of me talking about a deleted scene from a movie I made, but it seems that all anyone in the comment section wants to talk about is my glasses.

Yes. It’s more bizarre than it sounds. I guarantee it. In fact, here is a sampling of some of the comments I have been receiving.

It started off innocently enough:

Commenter: “cool glasses, who makes them”

Me: “Some company called Mexx. Thanks!”

Commenter: “Where did you buy them? Are they a strong prescription?”

Me: “Bought them at an optician near me and yes they are.”

Alright…a bit odd, but no big deal right? Just some guy wanting to know about my glasses. Then a couple days later…

Commenter 2: “Curious to know, how much can you see without your glasses? Can you read if you hold a book close?”

Me: “Holy crap. Another glasses question? Mmkay. Well, I’m very nearsighted. I have to hold a book very close to be able to read it.”

Now, it should be mentioned that I did indeed click on the profiles of these people, and that’s when I truly started to get weirded out. You see, everything on their profile had to do with glasses. The favourites, the comments. It was insanity. In fact, I discovered through these people that there are many people that post YouTube videos dedicated entirely to their glasses. Example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMPlxw2tL2I&feature=channel_page

What the hell is going on?

Then about a month later, I got this comment.

Commenter 3: “Don’t be offended with questions about your glasses. They are so strong they tend to distract the viewer away from your topics. Some of your videos show you either with contacts or you can’t see the camera. Be frank — do you see better with contacts or with your glasses? They look like -10′s or -11′s.”

I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD!

Was my video linked to on some sort of weird glasses fetish site? I mean, this is absurd. I just got another comment yesterday too.

Commenter 4: “You are absolutely correct in that you look the best wearing your glasses.You said that they are -12 and -13.Which eye is the -13?”

For god sakes, really? REALLY?

Dear god…

Anyway, I have to go make stuff up…Thanks for reading.

All Wright.

I’ve come to love the Bloor Cinema. 

Although it’s probably one of the most disgusting buildings I’ve ever been in, it’s got a really cool vibe that can’t be imitated. It’s kind of like, if you had two friends and one of them was like this really clean cut kinda guy who has really nice things and a really great house and listens to the best of the current grooves (Silver City) and then you had that really custy punk dirty friend who kinda smells and listens to a lot of off the wall metal music but has a really interesting life and would threaten to cut you if you look at him funny (The Bloor).

Even though you can sometimes be worried that you might get your ass cut up when you visit that friend, there is no denying that in his presence you’ll have a pretty awesome time.

Thus, how I feel about the Bloor. 

They’ve got a great lineup of flicks you can’t find anywhere else, but best of all, often times they manage to get big name directors in to screen their movies and give a nice Q&A afterwards. 

Last month they had Kevin Smith in doing a Q&A after all his movies (I saw Clerks and Dogma) but this month and for the next little while (while he’s in town shooting his next movie) Edgar Wright is in town showing his movies and some favourites.

Last night I got to see Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead followed by a Q&A session with him. 

Let me tell you, that man is fantastic. Brilliant filmmaker and a brilliant guy. He just seems like the most friendly dude in the world. Also, hilarious (as if that couldn’t be guessed). 

All in all, great night and I look forward to risking my life to see some of the other movies he’s showing in the next couple months.

P.S. If you’re ever at the Bloor, check out the stall hugging the wall in the mens room. Kevin Smith left a little message for everyone.

Yeah…A blog.

There is nothing special about this blog.

Don’t get excited. This is purely just a place for me to write random crap. It’s not really anything specific. I didn’t want to call it my ‘movie blog’ because it’s not, and I didn’t want to have it be on any specific topic because it isn’t. This is why it’s called my brain.

This blog will basically serve as my brains little output. So, I guess it’s just a blog. I could’ve saved us all a lot of time had I just said “This is my blog”.

Regardless, I hope people read this, then continue to read it, as I hope it’ll be relatively entertaining. I’ve been told I have an interesting life. Of course, I don’t find it even remotely interesting, so to me, everything I write will be mundane and boring…But you might like it.

That leads me to wonder, if a guy spends every day fighting bears and things, does he find his work mundane after a while? Does he eventually just kinda get used to the idea of waking up, kicking some ass, and going to sleep?

Instead of being trapped in a cubicle, this man is trapped in a world of endless bear fights. Why does he fight the bears? He doesn’t know anymore. He started doing it because he loved it, but now it’s just getting repetitive. 

Maybe one day he’ll marry Jane (she’s down on the fifth floor fighting tigers), but he doesn’t have the courage to go up to her. 

Of course, one day he’ll be going to the bar after fighting a particularly feisty grizzly,  and there he’ll meet a young man who reminds him of himself at that age.

They young, hopeful boy and the old weathered man form a unique friendship. The old man finds a new found meaning to life through this boy, and the boy understands that old age isn’t as bad as he thought.

Wait…Hold on a minute, this just turned into a bad indie movie.

Sorry about that.

Anyway…This is my blog.